I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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