she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
