I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
