woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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