I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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