OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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