Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
