He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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