What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
