the day after is always just damage control
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
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