so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize