Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
