just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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