i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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