I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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