he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
