I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
