I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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