i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
