I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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