I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
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