should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
