Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
