I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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