You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
