What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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