if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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