oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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