I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
