we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
