apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Still dying that you shit outside
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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