I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
