Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
