If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
a search helicopter?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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