im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
