Porn is love you can see.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
