Will you blow on my dice?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
