2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
