I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
