Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I supernannyed him into submission
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
