so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
