just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
