On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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