The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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