I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
