I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
