We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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