Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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