I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
