Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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