the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
