Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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