i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
