just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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