How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
