where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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