you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
