ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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