My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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