Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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