I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
