my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize