She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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