If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my shit smells like andre
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
