Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
