so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
