the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
