i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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