I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How's work?
Spinning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
