she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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