Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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