Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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