apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
