and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
