I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
