they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
